Friday, August 1, 2008

When "funny" isn't funny....

So, I'm trying to decide if I over re-acted the other day. I probably did somewhat, but in other ways, I feel completed justified in my response.

Yesterday, I got up at the same time as my fiance. As I've said before, he is the only one that works right now (yay for having a bread winner!), so I packed up a lunch for him and sent him out the door. My sis and her 4 children (4 boys under the age of 4! eek!) wanted to take me out for lunch for my birthday, so I kicked around the house for a little bit, played some computer and then headed towards her house.

When I got to her house, her hubby offered to take care of the youngest boy (turning 1 later this week!) while we went out. So, I had lunch with my sister and nephews (two, two year old twins and a four year old). Lunch with them is always a bit of an adventure, but they are really very well mannered for their age. My sister and I got to have a nice chat in-between offering drinks, dodging unwanted food, and reminding the children to use their "inside voices". It was a good time, but I was tuckered after all that play.

My mother-in-law to be has been having a bad time at work lately. She just hasn't been enjoying herself at all, so I asked sis if she'd mind stopping by her work real quick to show off the kids. My MIL *loves* small children. She seemed really happy/excited to see them, said it cheered up her day --so I was really happy. Bad thing is, she asked why her son, my fiance, hadn't been over to see them lately. That just breaks my heart! I told her he'd be by soon (lies!) and left.

When I got home, I was tired, but our lawn was out of control. It HAD to be mown! It has been 100 degrees + here lately, so it has been "too hot" to mow, or then it rained for 3 days so it was "too wet" to mow. I decided I better do at least half the yard before my fiance came home from work. So I mowed the front and side yards (I've got to go do the backyard in a few minutes --bleh!) and got inside a few minutes before the fiance phoned to say he was coming home. At this point I was truely tired, but I changed into my workout clothes and waited for him to show up.

We got to the gym and it was more packed than normal. His shoulder has been hurting him, so I suggested he might want to lay off the arm/shoulder/chest weights and he about bit my head off telling me he was an adult and could make his own decisions. So, I went ahead and did the rest of my workout circuit without him. After weights, we always hop on a cardio machine. His machine of choice is the elliptical, but I much rather use the treadmill. I'm just not comfortable enough with "physical movement" yet to really go over the top --and when I do elliptical I can't hardly walk the next day. This is where that whole "up your intensity" speech comes back into play. After 20 minutes of going on the treadmill, he comes over and tells me I'm going to do 5 minutes on the elliptical. First, I'm all ready hot and sweaty at this point. Second, I never like being told what to do. Third, he criticized me for not going fast enough on the treadmill (even though the heart monitor said I was in the right "burning zone". Fourth, and what truely was the "last straw", he Mooed at me. Yes, he made cow noises at me. What a way to motivate an all ready tired girl.

I got on the elliptical, did my 5 minutes and left the gym with him. He lectured me for another 10 minutes in the car about how I wasn't trying hard enough. How I wasn't being a good workout buddy. At this point, I'd had enough. I told him I WAS trying hard and for it all being new to me I thought I was doing a pretty spectacular job. He mooed at me again. I blew up and told him not to make cow noises at me. That it was rude and hurtful. He told me I couldn't take a joke --and the reason I couldn't take a joke was probably because there was a little too much truth in the joke for me. In my mind, I translate that as him saying "you are a cow". I am pissed, I am angry, I am hurt, so I go to explain this to him and he turns up the radio in the car so I can't be heard. I've let him lecture me for 15 minutes and then he turns up the radio when it is my turn to speak. How disrespectful can you get???

*sigh* I'm beginning to think about going to the gym during the day and letting him go by himself at night. If I couldn't feel changes in my body, if I wasn't sore the next day, if I wasn't able to make a muscles appear where previously I couldn't, I might believe that I wasn't pushing hard enough in the gym. I do feel different though, so him saying I'm not trying hard enough is pretty much making me feel like I'm not good enough. I don't like that feeling and I don't want to live in that kind of angry environment.

My favorite part of the story probably isn't the fact that he said that "mooing" at me was a joke (and doing it again even after I said it hurt my feelings). My favorite part is probably the fact that I cooked dinner when we got home and he chose to eat his after I'd finished mine. He also ate his in the other room away from me. As of this morning, he still isn't talking to me. I tried to make nice with him before bed --mind out of the gutter!-- just threw a joke or two out there and let them vanish into the silence. Sometimes I wonder if I'm marrying a man or an 8 year old boy.

*sigh* I finish with the thought that I love him and remembering that our "fighting styles" have never been very good together. He hurt my feelings yesterday --I told him that, I acknowledged it myself --I've forgiven, but not forgotten at this point. I don't want to fight about it anymore though. To me, it feels like I should be the one angry. Funny thing is, he is the one that has choosen to not speak to me. Moral of the story is, sometimes funny just isn't funny


HamiHarri said...


I need to add your blog to my google reader...I can't believe I missed posts!

It sounded like you had a tough day...the moo noises are so not cool.'re story reminded me of one of my own...

When I was in my first year of uni I gained over 30 pounds...not sure if I told you this or not? the time I was in my third year I felt huge, and unhealthy and unattractive...everyone called me "cute"...but who wants to be a "cute" 20 year old? I wanted to be hot and sexy...or at least pretty! LOL So I altered my diet and began working out (I love the elliptical but hate the funny!)... Because my husband (feels so weird to say that!) and I honestly don't have TONS in common or share a lot of the same interests I thought we could do some physical activity stuff as a way to spend some time together...and to help me shed the pounds. Because it was summer we opted for tennis...the racquets are cheap and there was a free court on my campus.

So I'm not the most agile person in the tennis is pretty tough for me. Anyway, I was trying really hard...sweating the whole 9 yards. He would make comments like "move a little faster" or "try harder"...I know that these were comments to motivate me...but the peeved me off because I felt I WAS trying so hard...even if I wasn't good at

Lets just say he wasn't the best at it either...although he is much more athletic then I am.

Anyway, I put up with it for the rest of the summer, just ignoring his comments...or at least trying to. But at the end of that summer we moved across the country to where we are now - Victoria. Anyhoo, we played tennis a few times...the comments continued and I began voicing my annoyed-ness (I like to make up new words ;)...he told me he was just trying to help?? So when my sister and BIL came to visit we went to play tennis all together...for some reason the audience of our family made his comments become louder and more obnoxious (you're not trying at all etc) embarrassing. That was the last time I played tennis with him...nearly 3 years ago.

We've found other things to do together to improve our health...but tennis is no longer one of them. I think he misses it and hasn't made any nasty comments since.

So my point is...maybe this is how some guys motivate each other...while some women find positive encouragement more effective?


Chris H said...

just as wel you love him cos to me he sounds like an ARSEHOLE! being disrespectful towards you now is not a good sign mate.... what is he going to be like if/when you gain weight during pregnancy! as for not listening to you and not talking to you etc...does not bode well for a happy marriage...My firt husband was lke that...aint with him now OBVIOUSLY. Good commuication is so very important in a marriage, as is LOVE AND RESPECT. RANT OVER!